Thursday, October 27, 2011

My gypsy eyes are open wide...

One week from now I will have just lifted off the tarmac of Denver International Airport. Flying high literally and figuratively as I commence the next chapter of my life. 

Editor/Personal Assistant (& Research Assistant.)/Housekeeper/Kidwatcher/Doer of shit that the guy who does all the shit nobody else wants to do doesn't have time to do.

Also, finishing the article I started this summer. I imagine, that with the delay that's had between my slow process & Rick's busy schedule (hehe I LOVE that he's the one editing it for me, even though it's been back-burnered for now by the rest of his crazy life) that it probably won't get released until the next San Fran Cannabis Cup comes around, so the story will be relevant. But that's okay. I'm patient. I just want the world to get it at some point or another.

My first online herbalism class starts this coming Tuesday as well (the same day my "cube" moving container gets dropped off.) My mom was awesome enough to hook me up with the first two books I needed for the course so I've been plugging away at one of them already.

It's going to be an interesting journey. One that wouldn't be possible without a bit of help from my friends.. And some strangers.

More on that in a few.. First a bit about my last journey home. I had some help with that too. A couple of friends threw down on a ticket for me. (One of whom has been recompensed.) Such an amazing love filled trip home. I had a bit more time to breathe on this adventure, which was really nice. I got to do just about everything I'd hoped to. 
"Family" dinner at Pickel's, BPR, Freedom Rally Pre-Party, the biggest Boston Freedom Rally to date (seriously there were just SO many people crawling the common that day!!) followed by Sin-O-Matic's Back to School fetish party with the lovely Lilith Astaroth. I had a great time spending the remainder of the weekend with her gallivanting at King Richard's Faire.

I got to see my best boy DJ and his phenom of a lady Jess & their new place in Arlington. I believe that boy has met his match & it's marvelous!! <3 (Ironically he lives a two minute walk from Lil's.)
Cheesy Steak night at Major MacGleash's that turned into crazy wonderful drunken dance party at Dodge St... Worked an afternoon for the sweet local business doing some prep for the Goddess who runneth. 

Shared the joy of the KOP of's 50th SURPRISE birthday celebration.. Oh man, I wish someone had gotten a video of him flying backwards out the door in shock.. Priceless.
Hmm what else? Well, I had a Dr.'s appointment that was pretty important. Essentially the real reason for the whole trip. Everything is alright (moossstlyyy,) but I'm not going to rule out the fact that my cervix might want to take me out at some point.

Had some hooping funtime with a new friend and some old. Watched Dougsux, Elise & co. spin some sweet fire...

I got to have dinner with my grandparents.. My friends Matty & Alex... My buddy Tony.. Pickel's awesome MamaLove & Nino.. (Hey, I like food, & I like eating with other people. Not so bad I think) Ooh I got to have breakfast @ Red's with Alan, Jen, & the wee carrotbaby.. Ryan & his boyo were there too..  

Gotta do a shout out to FSC & the gorgeous staff who have the ill coffee skillz. Yum. That is all.

Mmmm & when it was finally time to head up to Lawtown & eat the delicious porkchop dinner sweet Melissa cooked for me I was pleasantly surprised to not only be eating with her & Cheface, but also DA & Bubbloney. Secret ninja missions in the night were a precursor to Tacos Lupitas & an amazingly rain filled weekend of music and debauchery up on the Hill in Maine. Next year I think I'll buy my ticket so I don't have to miss out on the sweet tealight spiral (again) while I'm napping for my sweet overnight shift at the front gate (I don't mind volunteering but it sure cuts into the fun a bit!)
Huge thank you to miss Jenni who hooked up a ride back from the Hill.( It was awesome to finally meet her & get to have weirdo creeper ladytime with she & Kel. 
Danced my ass off in the rain to the Big Ol Dirty Bucket & The Few. Made my fricken weekend. Didn't give a shit that we only had one day of sun surrounded by torrential downpours & drizzlesauce.

oh, started & ended the trip with burn runs up 127 too. So nice. I love my friends 

So yeah. That, off the top of my head was my visit home. I got to see a bunch of people I didn't mention here. Had some seriously important long-awaited convos with some people that I will ALWAYS love regardless of all the past bullshit. It was a relief to have them.. I think. I dunno...

Anywhooo.. So back I came to CO. Enough money to buy myself food for a few weeks in my pocket thanks to my grandparents. Come to find out that my trip to NJ wasn't as secure as I thought due to financial circumstances out of mine & Rick's control.. So what was I to do? I did the one thing that I thought might help me get to NJ & to work the fastest.. A facebook blast. Shitty time to do it, what with all this Occupy stuff going on out there in the world, & knowing that most of the people in my life are in the same financial situation as myself, if not worse. 
Invited pretty much everyone who was on my fb friends list. At least 1000 of whom I'm pretty sure never even saw the link. (good thing I "know" an asston of people?) & I got a mixed response to say the least...
It blows me away how generous & compassionate some people can be & just outright surprises me when people start acting like huge assholes because you had the balls to ask them for anything at all. Especially when they didn't have to help, & could have just said no, sorry can't help you. But instead have to be insulting dickwads about it. Yup. Nice to know the real beasts that lurk inside the people close to the people you're close to. 

Oh well. Regardless, I got the help that I needed, & will soon be on my way!

Packing up my life again
Grateful to have made some friends 
& shared my light in this experiment.
Here I go 
I'm jumping off
This green springboard into the abyss.
X marks the spot
The treasures wrought
I surely shouldn't miss.
Onto the next chapter
I'll find there words and laughter
Living out this dream that I have sought..

My next blog will be made from the East Coast. I wonder if I'll be able to smell the ocean from my new home...

Love & Light

Wednesday, August 3, 2011

To the Future!

So holy shit, first a bit about the past.
About a week after my last blog, the company that I came out to CO to work for ceased to be as it was. Which, apparently it wasn't at all. Doing my taxes next year will be fun without the W2 for the company that apparently didn't exist. Mmmm Extortion. They's gonna get it.

So, with a bit of a shift in the house, as my former boss, & former sales manages broke up, & the ex-boss apparently quitting the budding friendship that we'd had,(and essentially abandoning the person she convinced to move across the country to follow her broken dreams) & so again I was left to my own devices.

Which would have totally sucked if it weren't for the boy who decided to (sort of) sweep me off my feet in a whirlwind kidnapping that ended up lasting just a bit too long for both of our tempers. It was quite lovely though. Nothing like a sushi date by the river in the mountains.. Hah. that was just day one. I ended up spending most of the subsequent weeks with him, helping him out with his business, & just trying to figure my own shit out in my spare time. Knowing what my situation was like at home, he had the genius idea to take me along to California with him. Which was pretty damned amazing(albeit stressful spending 24/7 with someone while still very much getting to know them and their quirks, while not being able to medicate on the drive to & from CA). 
Got to go to an impromptu Primus show at a random fest out there, met Matt Rize (one of the top hash artists in my opinion) who was super hospitable to us. Got to go out to the Sierra Nevada World Music Festival, which was pretty great, yet made me seriously lament all of the fantastic east coast fests that I'm missing out on this year(especially anything up at Harry's Hill) Got to check out Mutiny Radio out of San Fran while the High Times judges for the cup were checking in.

& then of course is the 2011 San Fran High Times Cup where I had the pleasure of chilling on the couch in the Steep Hill Labs tent during the hottest hours of awesomeness..
It was also at that event I had the absolute joy and pleasure of meeting Michelle & Michael Aldrich. They were the recipients of the Dr. Lester Grinspoon Lifetime Achievement Award. I was lucky enough to meet them prior to this honor backstage on Saturday night. I happened to have some Jack hash that was generously given to me by a friend, & a brand new sherlock that the nice boy who brought me out there had purchased for me on the Haight(as I had yet to start rolling doobies at the time), so I offered to smoke them of course! (How else could I weasel my way into their intelligent conversation?) I told them the story of the pipe, and the hash.. & Michael giggled and told me a story about how he introduced Jack Herer(the weed strain used to make my hash was named after him for you who aren't aware) to the uses of hemp besides getting high! 
What luck and irony for me. But. Nothing happens by coincidence. I'm now writing(trying to) an article on Michael and his beautiful wife Michelle, and how they were awarded the LIA at the Cup. My genius idea, of course. Take on a project when I'm completely unsure of my literary skills where actual writing that people will see is concerned. 
But they deserve it. The world needs to know who the Aldrich's are, and what they have so painstakingly contributed over the years. I was stoked to see they are on Skunk Magazine's Top Activists list. I hope in the future, someone will see their names on that list, google them, & my article about them will come up.(that would be NEAT)

I love Michael and Michelle Aldrich and am blessed and humbled to know of them and have lived in the wake of their many works. (who of you has ever been to a free clinic? one thing of many they have helped contribute to our generation) I just hope that my article will do them justice.

I also met that same night a girl who was initially unsure about showing up at all to the show.. She wasn't with friends, & didn't really know anyone there.. We have the same middle name ;) 
Apparently though she decided that she was gonna get dolled up, go out, have a good time, and meet someone new. Hi. that was me. :) Since then, I've edited her children's book about bugs, and she's made me my business cards.

Honest Eyes Editorial Services at your service.

Hey, look ma, I'm professionalish.

Well, anywho. Now I'm back in the Fort. Broke.. "Job"less..Penniless(literally spent the last of my money on this months rent and food to get me through most/some of it. Fucked for next month & any of this months bills) But I've got all this stuff going on. Not to mention my work with Rick Cusick. Which is The Real Deal. and, my Next Step. Something I Want To Do.
I'm still projecting Positivity and Love and Light in regards to this. I'm very much looking to be moving back East Coasterly to be more connected to my work with him and it's shifting parameters. (still, logistically unsure of how this will happen, but, I will put whatever Faith and Hard Work I have to in, in order to get there) 
I'm hoping this will all go down before September is out. Praying even, as I will be essentially up shit's creek otherwise. (please add your own hopes and prayers for me as well. I needs them) But that is up to the Universe to work out.

Other than that.. My body hurts. I need to do more yoga. As in any. Damn my lack of self-discipline. Oh, and more hooping, and more poi. Although I did figure out the one hooptrick where if you're hooping to the left you pick up the hoop above your head with your left hand in front.. Still working on everything else(hmm. got a bit of neckhooping in too.. without messing up the dropdown too badly) 

OH holy shit. How could I forget the ridiculous trip home to MA??? (I think it's cuz I was trying to go chronologically again and fucked myself all up) Holy wowzapants. 
It started with a lovely day of a Big Beef 3way, breakfast with my Fred, Dr/Dentist appointments, drive-by hugging my bestie(and a D, nothing is coincidence. I was supposed to see you buddy <3 ) & a contented evening down the Salem Willows with my grandparents. THEN Friday morning came -and might I remind everyone that I was with my grandparents SOBERLY the day prior- with my grandfather asking about breakfast. Well, my stomach did a flip, I choked down some yogurt, and made a break for The Boston Pot Report, where I knew SOMEone could ease my nausea with some beautiful green medicine. But alas, twas a slow day on the Report, and it took a few hours for my needs to be fully satisfied. But was given an awesome little present by someone who I'm still getting to know to get me through the weekend(on his break too no less) & tricked by a beautiful Brooke with some flowers and love An amazing show on "family" to come home to. & then to Miss Micaela's house! (she totally just IM'd me about how she loved me, RIGHT as I was thinking about this next section) SO, Miss Jackie, Miss Micaela & I tralala'd our way to CaelaManor so she could prepare herself for the evenings engagement. Soon after our handsome Knight swept us off to the packie(IT'S A FUCKIN LIQUOR STORE, why do people always lookit me funny when I say packie?) & then away again to the night's main event at casa de Bill. Bill's was rampant with artists and art and people and love and surprises and happy tears(on my part, and maybe on Jaime's a bit) Neurological Damage as usual, blew my mind with their awesomeness, and some new songs I can't wait to experience again(lovelovelove the inspired by Pickel's sex song), The Light's Out literally had the lights go out while rockin the house, and The Few took us right on into morning shaking our butts and sweatin' em off..
I was happy to have brought some old friends together that night(much to their surprise) and very much happily surprised to see someone who told me they weren't going to show even if they didn't stay all night *purr*

Having left my bag at Bill's like a fool in the wee hours of the morn, I had to have a sweet HoneyBee bring me back into Allston Saturday morning.. Missing out on breakfast with a Mandu(sad, wth) But, breakfast was saved by Mildred's where I was joined by more loving friends. Then back to my old people's to wash my sweaty ladybits before presenting myself at the Abbot Library in Marblehead for my lovely friend Danielle Dugan's art gallery exhibit.  to see her awesome work, click here
A few hours spent in the grass in Salem, then back to the Bean for Sarah Sparks' Birthday celebrations(you kids, you really drink too much sometimes, and that worries me. That is all I will say about that) where I got to see one of my favorite drummers, and again, The Few. Magically there was this chaise lounge, where I got to spend the remainder of my evening a'snuggling with my dearest Lilith Astaroth. Who I cannot stop myself from loving oh, so much(nor would I really want to stop)
Back to the playhouse to crash unceremoniously for the second night on the couch after a late night psuedosatisfactory meal from Deb's... To awaken for a glorious day at the beach. Damn do I love me some beach. However next time, I will be sure to give my friends detailed instructions as to how to get to that awesomely perfect spot we like to call home on Salisbury Beach. hopefully you can see the pictures on this page.
Sunday night brought me back to the playhouse exhausted. Met up with a good friend & went for a burn cruise up 127.. Mmmm nice.
Monday was almost a failure as it rained on my 'sleeping in the grass in the Commons, come find me' parade. Got my mandatory Red's Breakfast in, got my Front Street Coffeehouse in(the owner makes a killer salad-my way of course), & by the time Nino was getting out of work, my body was literally shutting down. So instead of spending the next few hours before dinner with friends, I spent them crankily napping in a hot living room while my phone blew up all over the place.. BUT I got to have dinner with 5 of my beloved peoples... at the Willows! & Finally back to my grandparent's to rest up & say goodbye to my Nonnie in the morning(she'd have been pissed if I hadn't, she'd never let on that she would be.. But I know it)

All in all it was just super awesome. 
I'm a little hurt that certain people made no kind of effort to be involved in my visit, or to contact me at all.. But that pain is somewhat paled by the love that I most certainly did receive. It is an amazing thing that SO many people put effort into the events, & just showing up to hug me. Just out of love. 

It is heartwarming that so many people care about lil' ol' me.. I've been in some down places, and it means more than y'all know that I have SO much love coming out of the place that will forever feel like home. I wish I could be there rocking out with all of you every chance I got.

& Jersey is a hell of a lot closer than Colorado. So we'll see Boston. I'll be back up in you before you know it.

Someday, I'm going to miss the hell out of Colorado and the people in it that I've met. I hope that I get to return to CO with some modicum of the love that I returned to in Boston. I hope that I've made enough of a positive mark in you that you remember me fondly, and often.

 Ooh oooooh. I was also just offered a SWEET proposal. My editing skills in exchange for a course in herbs that was my only other viable option last year while deciding whether or not to move out to CO.. Unfortunately last year I couldn't afford it. This year, my skills will do that for me. I'm just hoping that it will mesh easily with the work that I have coming up with Rick. I can multitask like nobodies business, but who knows if the schedules will blend easily. I sure hope they do!! Serious interest in the subject matter!!

But for now, effort, faith, and patience. Good Things will happen. I'm going to be there when they do.

Also, I want to put positive vibes out there for my mom. I LOVE YOU. I couldn't have survived without you. (& to all the people out there seriously struggling in the day to day. Keep your heads up, keep evolving, keep fighting for what you believe in.)

Love and Light to us all. That's all for now folks.


Monday, May 2, 2011

Freedom of tangent

So it's been a few months. I'm as settled as I'm ever going to be in this, not the most comfortable of situations. It is an extremely difficult thing to live and work with people you don't really know from a hole in the wall. But sometimes it is an awesome thing to be able to be a part of a situation where there are people obviously learning and growing. Until the proverbial wall is hit.

We all have the wall. The place where we refuse to move forward, or open our minds, or our hearts. Some of us are more willing to keep open hearts and open minds about certain issues.. Whether it be taking care of oneself properly, or making sure other people are taken care of.

I am exceedingly grateful to my mother at this point for having raised me the way she did, with all the little nuances of annoying bullshit that I thought were nonsense, but were really her doing the best she could to make sure I didn't turn out to be a self absorbed asshole who doesn't know how to communicate.

Now, don't get me wrong. I am an asshole. And I am selfish. But I am also one of the most caring, compassionate people you'll ever meet. I was told recently by someone I love and respect that he saw something in me that was rare in society at large. Substance.

And.. I lost my train of thought.

Not easy being a multi-tasking pothead all the time! Although, I can only speak for myself in that regard. (maybe if I recharge with some Marshmallow Fruit Loops I'll regain or at least reconfigure)

Wow. So speaking of society at large, the news was just released(on Fox of course) that Bin Ladin has been killed. I found out from facebook of course where I was mindlessly wasting time, chatting with cute boys and new friends in the Industry(the cannabis industry for those of you not paying constant wonderful attention) So much hatred and ignorance have I seen spewed there the last hour or so.. I can understand the need for justice. But it was still murder, and hate begets hatred. He did not act alone in his acts of terror-not all of them anyway. There will be repercussions from this.

Ohkayy... A million hours and a million explored tabs later. we should all be considering this:
and this

 So, I am still dealing with how to live without all the love and support that I am used to(having directly anyway.. distance is a bitch, though I know that I am still loved and have a certain measure of support should I truly need it)  The living/work situation is a learning experience for sure. I am not always happy here by any means, but when are we ever happy all the time?

I have found cute boys to flirt with at least. That gives me some sort of an outlet for my frustrations(while being yanno, frustrating because boys can't help but be so, and circumstance can also be a bitch) I have also bought a gym membership to a gym I can't really afford, and can't get to often enough as it is out in west bum somewhere... But it feels great when I do actually go. If only to get out of the house/my room.

I have taken up hoolahooping and poi, although I am not a very dedicated practitioner, as is obvious from my lack of skills, creaky joints and lack of regular yoga.

I guess the biggest thing going in my life right now besides trying my best to help keep our company afloat is the editing I've been doing. It is all pretty epic and mindblowing. I followed my gut out here. I believe that however long I may be here, I am in the right place, meeting the right people and doing the right thing.

Over the winter I had been tossing a thought around in my head. I know Rick Cusick.. maybe he might have some editing that I could try my hand at, so as to branch out with my talents.. Ironically enough I gathered up the gumption to ask him just that on the same day he had been considering showing his new novel to someone(a novel that is right up my proverbial alley let me tell you) and, Rick being the amazing intuitive person that he is, cried "FATE!"
I can't even begin to describe my elation the moment I received the email not only THANKING me, but offering me my choice of projects. I danced around the house for damned near an hour. I could have exploded with happiness but gathered myself enough to reply that I was so beyond humbled that he would even consider me for one of those tasks that I couldn't even choose between them.
He told me to try my hand at all three.

I didn't know that when my brains explode glitter comes out.

Since then I have had the honor and the pleasure of being his guest at the Cannabis Cup, and also the opportunity to work the HT booth at the 40th Annual NORML conference. The Cup was a whirlwind of ridiculousness all to itself.. But the conference... I am still trying to find the words to describe how blessed I was to be in attendance. It was amazing to be in the presence of the people who have worked so hard and fought so bravely for the righteousness of the marijuana re-legalization movement. The founders. The people who have served the time, and done the research and spent the money to bring us to where we are today. It was a joy(a tearful, proud moment) to have been able to sit in on the NORML Women's Alliance Panel meeting and to hear such brave beautiful women expound upon how WE as women will change the face of this movement. Like with alcohol prohibition we will make our voices heard and end the ignorance as best we can.

One of the things spoken of on that panel was the sister to sister program ( which I think is fantastic, having grown up having a "big sister" as a young teen, with whom I shared in some wonderful experiences. On this very panel is a woman who I hope will(& am pretty sure won't mind) be my big sister in the movement. Or at least a lifelong friend.

It has happened in the past, and I am pretty stoked it is happening now(right place right time) but I been talking lately with people about how, sometimes in life, you meet someone and you just KNOW. You know that there is some sort of ridiculously deep connection there. Whether you want to believe you knew each other in a past life, or you believe in soul mates-I believe we have oodles of soul mates. There are far too many interpersonal connections that run so very deep for this not to be true- or if you believe that you merely vibrate on the same levels...  It is a pretty awesome thing to experience.

This leads me to the "old soul" theory.. If I wasn't an old soul who had been around the block a few times or so, would I still be experiencing the same levels of powerful connection with people? I honestly don't know.. & I'm not sure I think so.. Yes, we, as everything, are all connected.. But there are some of us who are obviously quite new to this. And there are some of us who just have that look in our eye. The ages are written in lines on faces too young to have been through such depth of existence...

So we wait for the end. Living through the day to day, hopefully learning our lessons, seeking out our flaws and doing what we can to evolve into something more positive.

Freedom of tangent. <~~~ I will write a poem about this.

I am looking forward to whatever the future may bring. I am finding my own capacity for understanding and compassion. Trying to keep in mind that the suffering of the moment is a temporary beast I must battle to gain strength and courage and to prepare myself for the days and months ahead. All of the past that I have been clinging to is still past, and the people I love, if they truly love me, will be there if and when I should truly have need of their support. I know that there are people who recognize my worth, my substance, my spark, and want to help me share it with the world.

When I was little they used to tell me how much potential I had. I'm going to find it.

I think that is enough brain oozings for now. Many tabs to troll before I sleep.

May we all find the motivation within ourselves to live life.

Tuesday, February 1, 2011

& so

Blog #2 begins.. I'm starting to feel the loss of those I hold dear. A sort of epically empty space inside of me. It's not so bad during the day while being forced to live in the moment. When night comes however...

Well, let us just say that my bed is mighty cold. Don't get me wrong, I've got love out here & I know it.. But... I guess it's still too soon. I don't really know anyone here besides my housemates. Although I might be going to see Pendulum down in Denver later this month with H, the cute waitress @the local cheap burgers on Mondays joint. It'd be great to get out dancing for a night. Ha. Not to say I expect her to be coming home with me ;) The boy in the basement digs her.

& he! Has pretty much been my best buddy since I got here. If you could consider someone you don't know at all as such.. He's a Taurus too. Go figure. He is also kind of a Doppelbob... Which I've been trying to get over. 
Either way. He's been my hero. Between helping unload all my crap, bringing me shopping(@all million of the food places out here! sheesh) & to the atm.. Cooking foods.. Getting me shitfaced... Ooh, we went to the Comedy Works on Sunday! Such a good time. But also a reminder as to why I don't drink vodka anymore!!

Tomorrow is workday #2. Hopefully it won't be as long & exhausting as last Wednesday was..

Ive been sitting in on a friend from homes' thesis rehearsals down in Boulder. He goes to Naropa. It's a masked rock music piece called "The Chauvinist". This kid is damned talented. :)

Ive got some things that I want to get accomplished over the next few weeks.. Basementboy said he'd hook up a ride to the DMV so I can get a new ID on Thursday. IDs only cost $10.50 here! Woo! I want to read as much of The Emperor Wears No Clothes as possible(since I totally kind of yoinked KOPs copy like a big fat jerk. Sorry!!) Ive got to research as many recipes as possible that can possibly have cannabis added to them for an article D & I are supposed to do.. Also neeeed to work on the CrystalCookie's Cannabis Commandments article for Far Out Magazine..yupyupyup.

Amidst all this, I need to find a part time job, as Im not currently seeing any income in my pocketses. Good thing I left without my last check from the toystore.. It's all good though. All things come in due time. I've got plenty to be doing!

With all of this stuff to do who has time to be depressed? :p
There is just too much going on. 

Haven't even got a grip on my home setting for autopilot yet!
Home is where the heart is though, isn't it?

Good thing mine has long since been in pieces. Spread those babies out unto the world. 


Thursday, January 27, 2011

Guess I'll Blog then.

As if writing my thoughts here are any different than posting them as a note on facebook..

Ive had all this shit in my head for a while now. I guess since I stopped writing so often when I was 18..

Trauma will do that I guess. Not that what transpired when I was 18 is the worst trauma to befall me.. It was just the timeframe I had to shut off certain aspects of my brain for survivals sake.. Not necessarily my own..

Well, I am going to make this my forced effort at pulling myself out of the past I have so recently, very literally moved away from.

It is a very interesting thing to have removed oneself from the only home/family/friends one has ever known.. People do it all the time. Just jumping up with their bag packed & raring to go.. But then there are the people who never leave the places that they came from. Never escape the walls that were built around them to break out & see the vast world outside. Now, coming from a place that I know everyone eventually returns to, I wonder what will become of me now that I am in this new place with these new people..

For now, a nap I think.
What dreams may come?